My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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