Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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