This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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