Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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