Umm I'm too high to move.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
