i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
