You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
