can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
