Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
