Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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