Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
try to milk me bitch
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
