I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
why is half of my head shaved?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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