im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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