i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
