; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
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i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
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I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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