dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
