Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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