why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
