i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
