You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
