Me. At least after what I've been through.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
