I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
