My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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