i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
