You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
either way he was missing a nipple.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
