He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
