I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
