Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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