I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
