i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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