dude i'm inner monologue high
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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