Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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