I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
