Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
