is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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