The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
