That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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