my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
