I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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