If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
