all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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