i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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