I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
