Umm I'm too high to move.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
