what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
