I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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