The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
