Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
