Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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