he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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