You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
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I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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