were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
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I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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