You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
