If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
