Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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