hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
