There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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