I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
