Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
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At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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