Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.