Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.