they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
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Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".