Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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