I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
