i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
