drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Buhtt sex?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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