girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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