Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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