My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
