he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
