tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize