We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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