You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
